According to surveys, lawyers are among the most desirable professionals when it comes to dating (note: we could not find any of these surveys but are happy to rely on this assumption). The challenge then is meeting and having a satisfactory relationship with one. To help you with this mission, here is an 8 step guide.

1 Seek and you shall find

To meet a lawyer, you need to be in a lawyer-rich location. Here is a list of the top ones by lawyers, population and people per lawyer:

US: Lawyers: 1,143,358 Pop: 303MM P/L:265
Brazil: Lawyers: 571,360 Pop: 186MM P/L: 326
New Zealand: Lawyers: 10,523 Pop: 4MM P/L 391
Spain Lawyers:114,143 Pop: 45MM P/L:395
UK Lawyers:151,043 Pop: 61MM P/L401
Italy Lawyers:121,380 Pop: 59MM P/L:488
Germany Lawyers:138,679 Pop: 82MM P/L: 593
France Lawyers:45,686 Pop: 64MM P/L: 1,403

Assuming you are in the UK; London or other major conurbations are your best bet.

2 Picking your fruit

Once you find your orchard, you’ll need to select a tree where the boughs are heavily weighed down. That’s where you will find the lowest hanging fruit. An easy step – lawyers spend most of their time in the office. For non-lawyers infiltrating lawyers’ offices or barristers’ chambers may be impractical and/or illegal, so head to the bar – (warning to non lawyers, barristers would have you believe that this is something terribly sophisticated but it generally means a place for drinking). Select ones near chambers, law firm offices or courts but exercise caution to avoid alcoholics in legal trouble or alcoholic lawyers.

3 Lawyer personality pitfalls

Plucked your lawyer? Treat with care. Anecdotal evidence shows that lawyers’ partners may have to endure petty competitiveness, power trips and being spoken to like other lawyers. And traits favoured at work may not be so admirable at home – pernickety, defensive, argumentative… On the bright side, you won’t experience these things often because lawyers are rarely at home.

4 Most of your friends will lack credibility

Unless they are also lawyers or exceedingly wealthy or bankers (maybe both). This applies to gossip which should be backed up with the gossiper’s name, education, occupation, and criminal history to avoid slander risk – lawyers are trained to be risk averse.

5 Ignore Woolfe and Use Latin whenever possible

Lawyers love to flirt with Latin. Use phrases such as I like your “mens rea” (ladies) or “actus reus” (men) and any lawyer will turn to putty in your hands.

6 And talk like a thesaurus

Brevity and clarity make lawyers feel slightly worthless, so keep it wordy. An example, don’t say, “Let’s go back to mine early for some fun.” Try, “Let’s revert early to my domicile for some malfeasance.”

7 Lawyers can be pedantic

Never use this as a criticism. It’s like criticising a dog for standing on three legs when it urinates. Instead, be impressed and admire him for being both an upstanding gentleman and a scholar.

8 Remember when arguing: 1. statement 2. evidence 3. conclusion

Feel free to make emotive statements but always refer to statistics (flexible) or scientific studies (there’s normally one to support anything, if not make it up), before closing down the argument with your conclusion. Your lawyer lover may discover this sleight of hand later, but will respect your logic and your appeal to authority.

Now you’re ready for action. Enjoy.