Ever seen a man cry in the office? Ever seen a woman cry in the office? If the answer to the former is no and the answer to the latter is yes, then Matthew Richardson (Mergers & Acquisitions by day, Unethical & Amoral by moonlight) at Bitter Lawyer may have an explanation. (WARNING: if you are sensitive – it’s not sympathetic)…

Besides all the obvious differences between men and women that have ignited the gender wars for years—we pee standing up, we don’t think, we don’t feel—the most important, by far, is that MEN DON’T CRY IN THE OFFICE.  It’s the sole reason we deserve to earn more money.

When a woman cries in a professional setting, men see two things: Weakness and sexual unattractiveness.  It’s an involuntary reaction.  A biological response to annoyance.  (Note: Crying can occasionally be a big turn on, but never over proxy statements.) And though it isn’t P.C., the truth is that most BigLaw partners are men.  So let’s do the math, ladies.

Notice to lawyers with XX chromosomes: Your tears are career killers!

It’s time to face facts about what happens when you let your emotions get the best of you.  As I see it, there are two basic types of women who thrive at law firms:

1.  THE UNATTRACTIVE WORKHORSE
We men like working on deals with this type because, lets face it, we can actually get work done.  We have no desire to bang her, she does stellar work, and she is brilliant and lives for her job.  But, most importantly, she never shows signs of emotion or cries.  Her androgynous eyeglasses know no tears.  She is basically one of us, except she has no sense of humor.

2.  THE (RELATIVELY) ATTRACTIVE ASSOCIATE
Attractive chicks thrive everywhere.  But in the context of a law firm, we men are willing to work with this type even though her legal work is subpar.  We’re happy to have her on the team—as long as she’s around as eye candy during those long nights.  She gets the blood flowing in our loins and reminds us that we’re men.  This type is basically bulletproof… Unless she cries!

Then, there is one category of women that is completely damned from the get-go:

3. THE UNATTRACTIVE CRIER
The fate of this woman is sealed in the office the second her voice trembles for the first time or the moment the inaugural tear streams down her unattractive cheek.  These women immediately draw attention to themselves as pariahs and are treated as such for the remainder of their time at the firm.  A woman who deals with stress by shedding tears in the office is immediately deemed a total liability and cannot be trusted.  At that point, her only option is to embed herself into the firm’s women’s initiative and pray for a band of protection from fellow female criers.

Not to say that crying isn’t technically condoned…

There’s more, lots more – continue reading>

Like we said, it’s not sympathetic but is there a grain of truth? Is a lady shedding tears at work the ultimate office sin?