I Have a Crush on a Partner
We don’t want to get all agony aunt on you, but now and again you come across those questions that most folk are too timid to ask. And you know if the answer’s out there other onlookers will almost certainly want to take a peek. Here at Solicitr we mostly get asked career-oriented questions which we do our best to assist with (we are open to any questions though – we just don’t guarantee the answers!). On the …
We don’t want to get all agony aunt on you, but now and again you come across those questions that most folk are too timid to ask. And you know if the answer’s out there other onlookers will almost certainly want to take a peek. Here at Solicitr we mostly get asked career-oriented questions which we do our best to assist with (we are open to any questions though – we just don’t guarantee the answers!). On the other hand, our American friends at the Bitter Lawyer seem to get questions of a more personal nature (that’s not to say there isn’t some career advice wrapped up in there too)…
Here’s the gist of one recent question:
I’m a third-year associate at a pretty big firm, and over the last year and a half, I have developed a major crush on a partner. He’s handsome, he’s winning, he’s sharp, he’s charming, and he’s newly single. He was engaged for a couple years, but they broke it off about two months ago. No, not because he wants to runaway with me. To be honest, he only knows my first name…
…Is there any way for me to attempt to hit on him? Is it inappropriate to even try doing so? I’m not trying to be his next booty call, but I actually want to date this man.
Click to get the full version; here’s a snippet of Ex-Bitter’s answer:
What you’re really saying is: I like someone, but I’m not sure if he likes me. The only issue here is that the “someone” you like is a partner. This is tricky terrain to navigate, no doubt—especially if you’re the aggressor, which is why I don’t think you should do anything too overt or bold to attempt to kick off the romance. (And that’s advice I’m typically loathe to proffer to young, eager women.)…
Visit the Bitter Lawyer for their full take on the situation.
July 24, 2009
That’s got to be the oldest dilemma in the book. I’ve seen too many girls go down in flames falling for that particular temptation. My advice would always be don’t $hit where you eat.
July 24, 2009
It’s not as if there’s some great mystique about office affairs; they go on all the time and whatever the people involved think almost everyone knows pretty quickly. Secretaries have a nose for these things “like a bomb-sniffing dog smells C-4″ as the Bitter guys put it.
Loved that expression.
July 24, 2009
Me too once. Don’t think he ever knew thankfully and I was glad not to after seeing what he was like over time. Big mistake if it goes wrong – seen it.
July 24, 2009
You all have the lawyer’s problem of risk aversion. These situations might not always be sensible but it sure makes turning up to work more interesting.
July 24, 2009
I just don’t see any way that this turns out well. Even in success, it will still come back to bite her somehow.
July 28, 2009
Just tell her to dress slutty around the office. She’ll bag her man in no time…and no doubt get plenty of other offers when the partner returns to his wife!
July 28, 2009
Life is too short – go for it! Just start saying hi and making small talk when you see him and see if you feel any good vibes coming from him. If you don’t try and find out if he likes you you’ll never know… being with someone you like is so much more important than any work protocol or work politics, even if it doesn’t work out in the end at least you tried.
July 28, 2009
Love the way she is dressing it up as a ‘crush’
There are other ways to careers progression. Sleeping with a partner is the often ventured and somwhat moderately successful route.
Go Girl.
Feminism is definitely dead.
July 28, 2009
Maybe he is gay and he just realized!! In any case, blow that trumpet “y que te quiten lo bailao”…
July 28, 2009
Yup.
probably a gay.
July 28, 2009
I fully agree with RIP Feminism. Romans synthesised the same approach with the noted aphorism:
“A bove ante, ab asini retro, a muliere undique caveto”
(Mind the bullock on your front, the donkey on your back and the woman everywhere)