As the time approaches for the start of summer vacation schemes, the ones that are still going ahead at least, one or two students may be in need of some pointers. Granted these have a distinctly American flavour coming from the font of the Bitter Lawyer’s knowledge pool but they are delivered with the wisdom that comes from experience and provide a handy nine point guide. For all those that see their own vac schemes as distant fuzzy memories in a pre qualified existence they might just bring back some cringeing fond memories…

It’s that time of the year again—flowers are blooming, birds are chirping, and law students are getting ready for their coveted Summer Associate positions.  As you might imagine, things will be a little different this year.  Lunches will be far less extravagant, and full-time offers will be far more difficult to procure.

So, in an effort to help aspiring legal eagles pass their first real legal test, Bitter Lawyer has compiled this definitive list of Summer Associate don’ts.  Based on years of experience and countless firsthand accounts of embarrassing summer associate behavior, read it closely and do—err, don’t do—the following.

1.  DON’T BE AN ASSHOLE
Sounds obvious, I know, but way too many top-shelf law students are so painfully annoying that it needs to be

stated as the #1 “don’t.” Remember: You’re not the first Editor-in-Chief, JD/MBA candidate, ex-doctor or soon-to-be Harvard grad to get a job there.  You’re just another douchebag with good grades from a good school.  You’re there to impress them—they’re not there to impress you.  No matter how smart you are, or think you are, you don’t know a damn thing about practicing law.  So, for the sake of your own career, don’t pretend that you do.
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2.  DON’T SLEEP WITH ASSOCIATES OR PARTNERS
It’s tempting.  No doubt.  But in the history of the world, a Summer shagging a full-time employee has never inured to the benefit of the Summer.  And please, don’t fool yourself into believing that no one will find out.  Trust me, they’ll think you’re screwing before you’re even kissing.  There are way too many bored, sexless nerds watching every interaction, every laugh, every smile.  Since there’s not that much to gossip about as a lawyer, Summer sex stories get top billing.  There are lots of hot dudes and chicks running around New York, Chicago and LA—screw them instead!  As for dating fellow Summer Associates, it’s not advisable, but if handled deftly, it won’t be a problem.  Just keep the PDA to a minimum.
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3.  DON’T GET WASTED AT A FIRM-SANCTIONED EVENT
Despite the economic downturn, liquor will be flowing, but that doesn’t mean you need to get drunk.  A mild buzz is preferable.  In my experience, 75% of all Summer Associate cautionary tales are booze-related.  Examples include:  Dirty dancing with a senior partner’s wife; shadow boxing with a humorless M&A icon; and pathetically trying to organize a strip poker competition during a TexMex barbeque.  It’s okay to have fun, but do yourself a favor and take a pass on the third Kamikaze shot.

Click here to see the final six.